Winter

Truly Fulfilled?

So I'm at this new place in life and it's scary but I know it's going to be great.

I'm excited for my new job at a preschool and taking over the elementary department (it sounds all official and stuff but it's really not...I'm just the only one who likes them and wants to do stuff with them :) ). I'm planning on setting up some sort of bible message once a week (the kids have been without any "God stuff" for over two years now and I'm just not down with that), and homework time and a planned outdoor activity. It's going to be great :) I know God has me here for a reason and I love that.

But lately, I've had some things on my heart.

It makes me so sad to see some people I know and I look at their life and know they know who God is...but their life is not marked by it. I see them and see the world. I see them and don't see God. I have to dig deeper and search for and wonder if God is really in their life or if they are just going through the motions. And I guess a big part of it is that they are just going through the motions. But I do not want to be a young woman whose life is marked (or marred) by the world. I want to be a young woman whose life is so blatantly marked by God that it's undeniable.

I look at these people and I hear what they do, where they go, who they hang out with. I hear their baggage, their grief, their stress, their...hopelessness. And I pray they find hope! I see the things of this world that they are trying to fulfill their lives with and it breaks my heart. Instead of sensing light, I sense darkness. Just this negativity cloaking their shoulders. I don't see how they can't see it. I want to go up to them and just simply say, "And how is that working out for you?" when they tell me about this party they went to, or that boyfriend they slept with, or that guy they met, or that guy they broke up with, or that check that bounced, or that job they hate.

And the thing that makes me the most sad is that they have SO much potential and NO ONE telling them this. Instead, the people that love them are condoning their search for fulfillment via this messed up culture, society, and world. Because it's way cooler to be okay with your daugher, neice, co-worker, friend "experiencing" the college life, the 20's lifestyle, etc. No one is telling them what they desperately need and DESERVE to hear. No is telling them, "Hey! You! You're a daughter of the Living, Mighty, All-Powerful GOD! You are his DAUGHTER! And he has SO much more for you than this...this life you are trying desperately to fill with meaning by more boys, more drinks, more parties, more bad friends. But these things aren't working for you. Can't you see it? Won't you see it? God is the ultimate Fulfiller. He is the ultimate Giver of Life. Draw near to Him, daughter. God is saying, 'I love you. I love you. I love you. Even when the world doesn't. I love you always. I have the BEST for you.' Stop settling for less!"

A few weeks ago my heart was not like this. A few weeks ago my heart was saying that girls like this were just annoying and depressing and basically stupid. Why can't they just see it's not working out for them and just try the whole God thing "for-serious this time"? Common sense, right?

But then my heart changed. And I have such a passion to pray that the Lord would break through to them. And to me even. I need to live with my eyes open to God and closed to the world. I need to find my fulfillment in Him alone, which I know I have not seeking enough the past year. But it's hard. We live in this world. It's hard to turn your back on it and say, "God, you have my all. You have my life, my lifestyle, my Love--all of it. You take it. I give it up." It's hard to walk away from your life. You know...take up your cross. But man, it's worth it.

This is a trying time. But I know it's God's time, and his timing. And I love where I am at. I love this passion building up inside me. I love that there is so much hope for the future that God is up there exploding with it for me. And his hope is overflowing on me. And I pray I continue to take it in, receive it. You know, keep going forward. If we're not moving up, we're going down. There is no stagnant here. Which direction are you going?